You know those overhead lights that look like a boob with a seemingly large nipple? Those ones, while also looking vaguely erotic, usually give off the worst reach of effulgence ever and yet they are in every freaking apartment. And fluorescents?! Rectangular monstrosities of bright white light sent straight from H.E. double hockey sticks. I don’t make the rules, Hell as depicted in the show adaptation of Good Omens has them and I accept that version of Hell as canon personally so I rest my case. I did not sleep last night. And not like the definition of “oh I slept bad but I still got some Zzz’s” no no no, I got NO sleep. I am a regular ray of sunshine when I have no sleep in my system, it makes me worry for when I have children. BUT I digress! Perhaps this is why today I feel extra sensitive to the dreaded big light. Every single room in my house has a small but important lamp that is always used in place of the overhead light and in some rooms it is even multifunctional. (Cough cough wax burner). Each light source must have three essentials:

1. Soft warm lighting.

2. It must be small or medium size at most.

3. The lamp itself must be visually pleasing/striking to the eye.

Mood lighting is essential, I am simply a moth who seeks the loving warm flame. When I lived in a friends spare room for three months, it was imperative that my wax burner be among my personal belongings. Why? Because controlling the way a space smells is the easiest way for me to gain control of the uncontrollable. I may be in an unfamiliar place but I can make it smell like Home dammit. Couple that with mood lighting that makes you feel like you’re in a womb and you have a foolproof recipe for being home in the unknown. Brownie points if you bring your record player with you from place to place like I do. I’m not high maintenance, I’m Eccentric. If you need me, don’t. I will be that hobgoblin in the corner of the room, drinking tea while in my fuzzy slippers and hissing vehemently at you if you dare to turn on the big light in my presence. Now, back to slumber.

Love, Bug