Blue was my companion for most of my childhood. To differentiate us but keep us matching my mother always dressed my twin sister and I in the same clothing just different colors, one pink and one blue. The first bedspread I chose for myself was a rich sapphire. The first time I was allowed to dye a streak of my hair it was a brilliant teal. My go-to crayon was cerulean and was always kept within arms reach. At 16 when my gift was a makeover for my room, I requested that the walls be painted varying shades of Ocean blue. My favorite beanie was multifaceted jewel tones of blue that made my head look like a gumdrop. Bodies of water were always soothing to look at or be in, I felt at peace surrounded by Blue.

When I was little, my grandmother made me a beautiful quilt with a yellow edge and multitudes of yellow triangles whose pattern resembled stars. She made an exact copy for my twin except hers of course was pink. For years, it covered my bed and when it began to feel too childish it lived on my guest bed at my grandparents house. I remember questioning around the age of 5 or 6 why she would make me a yellow quilt, my favorite color was blue. I thought, “I must have liked yellow when I was very little but it was such a long time ago it didn’t seem like it had happened. It must have been a mistake.” I was certain my favorite color had always been blue. Perhaps blue was not necessarily the color I was most drawn to but the color that had been thrust upon me. Looking back I think I lived so closely with misery that no other color would fit, I was always blue.

It happened gradually.

The first mug I picked out for myself was mostly for the shape but also happened to be marigold. I was reaching for gold every time I painted, no matter the subject. My one and only scrunchie that came with a thrift order was mustard. I hyperfixated on lemons to the point that it became my first tattoo; bright watercolor with lemon yellow. Flames now lit every corner of my space, amber light pouring in from various candles and lamps. My first date with my then-boyfriend now-husband was in a sunshine dress that became both of our favorites. The day we got married, we both wore shades of yellow before the ceremony to celebrate and commemorate.

I didn’t really start leaning into yellow until I started finding out who I was. When I faced my most intimate self, all that reflected back to me was absolute radiance. Now, it is hard to imagine a time where I did not love anything that didn’t sing of the sun. When presented with the opportunity for a wedding present from my grandmother, there was only one thing I wanted. I requested a quilt that was both yellow and blue. In return, 6 months later I received my favorite heirloom and my grandmothers pièce de résistance, according to my grandfather. I am grateful that my grandmother gave me that piece of myself early on to remember myself by. Now I can look at the quilt on my bed every day and be reminded of who I was and who I have always been, a child of the sun.

Love, Bug

“If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” -Roald Dahl